Parents provide a sense of stability and comfort for their children, whether the kids are still young or fully grown and raising families of their own. Finding out that a parent is terminally ill is sure to be devastating news, no matter the ages of their children.

When Kids are Not Yet Grown

There is a certain distinct sadness at the idea of children losing a parent before they’ve reached adulthood. Young children are completely dependent of their parents and the early loss of a parent can leave scars that last a lifetime, especially if children are not allowed and encouraged to express their feelings. Although it can be difficult for the healthy parent to listen to the pain that their children are experiencing (after all, that parent is grieving, too), kids need to have an outlet for the emotional turmoil that comes with anticipating the loss of a parent. Ideally, children should be as informed as possible about the ailing parent’s condition, with information given, of course, based on each child’s ability to understand and handle it. Kids are likely to have questions, and their inquiries should be met with truthful responses. Young children may ask only about how the illness and impending death will impact them, for example, wondering who will now perform the caretaking tasks that the terminally ill parent has previously handled, but older kids may seek answers to the more difficult questions. Matters of faith and the afterlife are commonplace, and parents must help their older kids and teens to find answers that will bring comfort and acceptance.

Adult Children

Just because a person has a few wrinkles doesn’t mean that they are emotionally prepared to say goodbye to their parents. Parental influence continues into adulthood and the connection between children and their parents often deepens with time. Adult children are able to see their parents as they really are, and are often appreciative of the love and care they received as children, further endearing their parents to them. The idea of their once strong and health parents as frail and dying can be quite traumatic for many adults, and the prospect of living without them disconcerting. While it is natural for children to outlive their parents, a parent’s demise is still an upsetting reality.

Adult kids should allow themselves the time to grieve, even if they are acting as caregivers for a terminally ill parent. Grieving begins with the knowledge that the end is approaching, and anticipating the loss can be as troublesome as experiencing the actual loss. Sadness and anxiety are perfectly normal reactions to the terminal illness of a parent and loved ones should not only acknowledge their difficult emotions, but should talk about them as well, seeking help if they feel overwhelmed by their feelings.

Lasting Memories

Older kids, teens, and adults will undoubtedly cherish the memories that they have of their parents, but babies and young children are unlikely to have formed lasting memories. Terminally ill parents may wish to create memory books, taped messages, or videos for their children so that the kids can have tangible connections to the parent that they may not personally remember. In this way, parents can help their children to understand just how much they were loved, even if they cannot recall the connection they once had with their parent.

The loss of a parent is never an easy thing, no matter how old we are. The people who brought us into this world and then dedicated themselves to nurturing us will remain forever a part of us, forever living on in our memories. Children of all ages, upon finding out that one of their parents is terminally ill, should take the time to express all of their love and admiration for that parent, while they are blessed with the time to do so.